Sunday Dinner

Daniel Drewry wished he could sail away with the clouds that drifted by the airplane window. But there weren’t enough clouds in the sky to erase the pain of the past year. The year began with the loss of his left kidney to cancer. The stress caused a resurgence of his manic depression, a disease he thought he had left behind in college. His trip to the mental hospital stripped him of his job, his dignity, and his faith.

He felt empty and alone. He decided to visit his family. Their lies and abuse drove him away years ago. But he still yearned for a closer connection, or at least a resolution of past differences, so he could get on with his life.

He called his mother, Trudy, before he bought his ticket. Trudy was the family matriarch. If she said it would be okay, it would be okay.

“Hey, Mama. It’s me, Danny.”

“Danny? Is it really you?”

“Yes, Mama.”

Trudy did not reply for a moment. Daniel knew she was thinking of how to recapture him in her web of control. She choose to play her favorite role, the aggrieved but grateful mother.

“We thought you was dead son! Praise Jesus, you’re alive! I’m so glad you called, sweetie!”

Trudy used pet names like sweetie and baby to dominate Daniel. His stomach turned whenever he heard them.

“I know I’ve been out of touch for too long, Mama. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Don’t you worry about that. I’m just glad to hear your voice.”

“Mama, I’ve been through a lot lately. Would it be okay if I came to visit?”

“Okay? Of course it’s okay. Get your butt on the next plane. We’ll be so glad to see you. You say you’ve been through a lot? Are you and Ruby okay?”

“Uh, Ruby… She can’t make this trip. But I’d rather talk in person.”

“All right then. When can you get here?”

“There’s a red-eye flight on Sunday.”

“Well get on it then. Come on to church if you make it in time. I’ll make a special dinner. You still like my chicken and dumplings don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

“Okay, sweetie. Your Daddy and brother will be so proud to see you.”

Daniel arrived Sunday morning in time to drive to church. He eased the door open and sat on the last pew.

Reverend Abraham Reed tried to look regal as he sat in his purple chair on the dais. The wayward cast of his left eye and the constant tapping of his foot made this difficult. He nodded at Daniel and signaled the choir to end their singing. He rose and stretched out his arms.

“Please bow your heads. Let us pray.

“Bless us, oh heavenly Father. Forgive us our sins that we may draw closer to thee. We thank you, dear Lord, for the return of our prodigal son, Daniel. May the Holy Spirit fill his soul and return him to your waiting arms. In Jesus’s name. Amen.”

The congregation turned to look at Daniel and offered encouragement, “Amen. Thank you Jesus. Yes, Lord. Welcome home, brother.”

Daniel closed his eyes and sighed as the preacher launched into a sermon. The Reverend Reed couldn’t maintain a steady course while preaching, but he made up for it with frequent shouts of amen and waving his arms as if shooing flies.

After the service, his mother asked the Reverend Reed and his wife, Henrietta, to join them for Sunday dinner. When Danny heard the invitation, he toyed with the idea of driving back to the airport. But he pushed through his fear and followed his parents home.

***

The dining room table is filled with enough food to feed a village. His father gives Daniel the seat at the head of the table. His mother sits to his right. The excitement has caused her rosacea to bloom, covering her cheeks in red blotches. She has painted her right eyebrow a quarter of an inch lower than the left, but her frizzy hair and bald spots draw attention away from her makeup.

Mason sits to Daniel’s left. He has gotten so fat his chair creaks in protest as he sits down. His doctor has removed a portion of his nose to rid him of skin cancer. The cancer is gone, but Mason’s nose resembles a small beet.

His younger brother Kyle sits next to Trudy. Kyle’s pasty skin and yellow eyes confirm his determination to commit slow suicide with cigarettes and moonshine.

The Reverend Reed and Henrietta, sit at the end of the table opposite Daniel. Reverend Reed is aptly named. His thinness would have made Ichabod Crane jealous. Henrietta is a sparrow-like creature plagued with allergies. She constantly dabs her nose with a lace handkerchief.

Despair overcomes Daniel when he surveys the table. Each face reminds him of the endless arguments, racism, and religious dogma that drove him away years ago. He wonders if he would have been wiser to battle through his loneliness and pain on his own.

He looks out the window. An emaciated black dog sits in the driveway. It wags its tail and barks when it notices Daniel’s gaze. Daniel wishes he could trade places with it. The dog might be starving, but it is not bound to a chair by the chains of culture and family.

Kyle notices Daniel’s stare. “There’s that Goddamn dog again. If it ain’t gone after dinner, I’ll get my shotgun and kill the son-of-a-bitch.”

Trudy scolds Kyle, “Don’t swear in front of the Reverend, son.”

Reverend Reed smiles. It reminds Daniel of a dead possum’s toothy grin. “That’s all right, Mrs. Drewry. All fall short of the glory of God.”

When the meal begins, the black dog barks. Daniel watches his new friend. He passes the bowls and dishes of food without taking anything. He stares in amazement when he sees his father pile layers of food on a serving platter – vegetables on bottom, meats in the middle, and desserts on top. When he finishes, he digs into the morass with a spoon big enough to paddle a canoe.

Mason notices Daniel’s plate is empty. His cheeks bulge with food as he speaks. Minute pieces of greens and the occasional bean land near Daniel, but Mason perseveres.

“How come you ain’t eating nothing son? You okay?”

“I’m fine Daddy. Just a little nervous.”

“Nervous? Why? Ain’t nobody but family and friends here.”

“I know, Daddy. That’s what makes this extra hard. I need to tell y’all some things y’all probably won’t like.”

Mason places a hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “We’re your family son, your blood. We always want to hear…”

Kyle rolls his eyes. “Good God, yes. Let’s hear Moses come down from the mount. Be still all God’s creatures and listen to the words of the Lord.”

Daniel looks down and counts the threads of the tablecloth for a moment before beginning.

“I had cancer last year. They removed my left kidney.”

Trudy moans. “My God, son. Why didn’t you call Mama? You know I would come take care of you. You know Mama would do anything for her baby.”

Daniel winces. Trudy only promises help if it brings her praise and admiration.

“I’m fine Mama. The operation was successful. The surgeon said they got all the cancer and that I shouldn’t worry about it coming back. But all the stress brought back my manic depression.”

Trudy begins to cry. “Oh my God Almighty. Not that mess again. It’s the cancer, y’all. They cured the cancer, but not before it got to his head and rotted his brain.”

“Brains don’t rot, Mama.”

Trudy continues crying for a moment longer to make sure everyone sees her grief before she continues.

“Mental illness? They ain’t no such thing as mental illness, Danny! What you got is a soul-sickness, son. Ain’t that right Reverend?”

Reverend Reed seizes his chance. “Right as rain, Trudy. Right as rain.” He looks at Daniel. “Danny please ask Jesus back into your heart. Pray to him. He will heal you. You may not remember it but our prayers healed you before. They can do it again.”

The Reverend’s voice reminds Daniel of the childhood horrors the Reverend heaped on him. Thousands of touches in ways no child should be touched. Horrific touches made in the parsonage, a house paid for with tithes to God. There were times when Daniel welcomed the attention. The resulting shame and guilt prevented him from telling anyone.

Mason speaks up. “Trudy we promised we wouldn’t talk about the trouble Danny had back then. We promised.”

Trudy brushes aside Mason’s attempt to save his son.

“They ain’t no sense pussy-footing around, Mason. It’s clear as spring water, he’s still nuts and he hates Jesus.”

Mason glowers at her. She rubs Daniel’s arm. “I’m sorry pumpkin. It was just so sad to see you in that ugly old hospital. I still hate that doctor who sent you there.

“He called you crazy, pumped you full of pills, and even electrocuted you a time or two. No wonder you lost your job at the pallet factory.”

Daniel looks out the window. The black dog still waits for table scraps. “Uhm. Uh. That’s another thing I need to tell y’all. I left the Firm.”

“You left?” Trudy snorts. “Fired is more like it. You was fired wasn’t you?”

Daniel whispers. “It was mutual.”

“Mutual, Danny? That’s a good one. You was mutually fired. So now what? You expect to get mutually hired somewheres else?”

Daniel closes his eyes. “I’m not getting another job. I’m going to Japan.”

Trudy is gobsmacked but intrigued. She becomes the doting mother again.

“Japan? Oh my stars! How exciting is that? I saw a TV show about Japan the other night. It was filled with them handsome sword-toting sammy-eyes and them beautiful gay-shuhs. They wear some wonderful silk dresses them gay-shuhs do.”

“It’s samurai and geishas, Mama.”

Trudy cannot hear him. Her mind is filled with visions of exotic dresses. “I believe they called them komodos. Every color of the rainbow they was. And they looked so soft...”

She winks at Daniel. “I wish I had me one. A komodo would be just the thing to wear around the house while I do my chores. Maybe you could bring Mama one honey.”

Mason waves a hand at Trudy. “Quiet, Trudy. Danny wants to talk.”

Trudy rubs Daniel’s back. “Go on, honey. Mama’s listening.”

Daniel tries to pull away “I just wanted…”

Trudy pats Daniel’s hand. “It’s okay darling. Speak up. Tell Mama honey. You know you can tell me anything.”

“I’m going to study Zen Buddhism. I’ve met a Zen priest, the Reverend Shanin. He is my teacher, my Zenji. He’s invited me to visit him in Kyoto. He says he can teach me to be a Zen priest.”

Reverend Reed glares at Daniel. “You can’t be serious, son.”

Daniel is nauseated by the Reverend’s voice. “I’m serious as cancer, you old fart.”

The Reverend’s eyes narrow and he juts out his chin. “Careful child. You tread on dangerous ground. Hell awaits those who disrespect…”

Daniel refuses to be silenced. “There is no hell. Nor God either, as far as I can see. If there is a God why is there such a thing as cancer?”

The Reverend pushes himself up. His right hand lands in the bowl of creamed corn. He sights along his arm as if aiming a rifle at Daniel’s head. Corn drips from his pointing finger. “Blasphemer! How dare you blame God for your pain. You got cancer because of your sins. Beg forgiveness from Jesus right now! Right this minute. Or…”

Daniel rose. “Or what, you old goat? Sit back down.”

The Reverend’s face reddens. “I’ll tell you or what! You’ll spend eternity in a lake of hell fire. That’s what!”

Henrietta tugs on her husband’s coat. “Abe, honey please. Remember we’re guests.”

The Reverend continues to glare at Daniel, but halts his tirade. He sits down and nods at Trudy and Mason. “I’m sorry, Trudy. Please forgive me, Mason. I just don’t want to see the boy burn.”

Daniel challenges the Reverend once more. “You’re the one who is going to burn, you asshole. Remember what you did to me? What you tried to do to my brother before I stopped you?”

The color drains from Reverend Reed’s face. But he is not cowed.

“Remember, you were not well. You fought against Jesus’s help. I was just doing what I could to help bring you back to the Lord and prepare you for seminary.”

“Seminary? That’s rich! Maybe I was thinking of giving my life to God, but you destroyed my hope for that. What was the point of seminary if I turned out like you!”

Mason tries to calm things by changing the subject. “Danny, son, please sit back down and tell us more about this zenji fellow. Did he go to seminary?”

Trudy chimed in. “Mason, don’t be an idiot. That Sin-ji feller is a heathen. Heathens ain’t got no seminary. Ain’t that right, Danny?”

“Yes, Mama. In Zen you learn from a master, like the Reverend Shanin.”

“What are you going to do when that don’t work out? How you gonna earn money chasing your Sin-ji all the way to Japan? How you gonna support you and Ruby?”

“Ruby’s gone, Mama. She stuck with me through my bipolar and even the loss of my job. But she left when I told her I was going to Japan. Said she couldn’t take it anymore.”

“What else could she do, Danny? You were running off with a heathen. Besides, how much money does a Zen priest make? I don’t blame her for leaving.”

Mason slams the table so hard the salt and pepper shakers bounce. “That’s enough. This ain’t about money. This is about blood. This is about family.”

“Course, Mason. Course it is. Mama loves her baby and wants the best for him but he scares her.”

“I don’t want to scare you, Mama. I truly don’t. But I want to be completely honest with y’all before I leave for Japan.”

“Honest?” Trudy looks around the table. “Ain’t we had just about enough honest for one day?”

She barks, “What’s next? You gonna tell us you done become a sodomite?”

She chuckles. When Daniel doesn’t reply, her eyes widen emphasizing the mismatch of her eyebrows.

“You don’t mean…”

Daniel holds Trudy’s gaze. “I love who I love. After Ruby left, I found love in an unexpected place.”

Trudy abandons all pretense of motherly love and moves in for the kill. “What’s that mean? You love men and not women?”

“I may love them both Mama.”

Trudy tilts her head back and speaks to the ceiling. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph. You done become a bisectional? My Bible says people like that oughta be killed.”

She looks to the Reverend for support but his eyes are closed and his head is bowed. He whispers a prayer.

“So you ain’t got nothing to say, Reverend? A fat lot of good you are.”

Mason turns to face Daniel, “Maybe you need some medication, son. I’ll take you to see the doctor tomorrow.”

“I don’t need medication, Daddy. I need peace of mind. I don’t know why I thought I’d find it here.”

Trudy shouts. “Peace of mind? Well here’s a little piece of my mind.” She waves a finger in Daniel’s face. “You got no right to be this way. You prance in here, pretty as you please saying you lost your job, and your wife and that you’re going off to Japan. And to top it all off…”

As if on cue, the black dog howls.

Trudy continues. “Well I ain’t gonna name it. But you done become a creature of Satan himself. We never done nothing to deserve that.”

Daniel stands over Trudy. “Nothing is right, Mama. You did nothing even though you knew what the Reverend was doing to me. You turned a blind eye to my pain.”

“Now that’s a damn lie, Danny. I never seen him lay a hand on you.”

“You didn’t have to see him do anything Mama. All you had to do was look at me. The pain was there in my eyes and the bruises were clear as day.”

“I never saw no pain in your eyes or anywhere else. You told me you got them bruises by falling down the steps.”

Exasperated, Daniel shakes his head.

The black dog howls again.

Kyle enters the fray. “Christ Almighty, somebody do something about that damn dog.”

Shaking, Daniel grabs a few pieces of chicken and goes out to feed the dog. The dog wags its tail and runs to him.

Kyle shakes his head. “There he goes. Just like always. Feeding strays. We’ll never get rid of that thing now.”

Reverend Reed and Henrietta see a chance to leave and rush for the door. “I think we best be going. Looks like y’all need some quality time as a family. We’ll keep you in our prayers. Thank you for the lovely dinner.”

Trudy sneers. “Fine. Run off. Some pastor you…”

Mason steps in. “Sorry Reverend, when she gets like this…”

The Reverend waves a hand. “I understand Mason. As it says in Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Trudy twirls her finger in her hair, pulls out a piece and eats it. “Leave then. Just go on and leave. I’ve had my fill of you, you dried up toothpick.”

When the Reverend and Henrietta reach the driveway, they see Daniel talking on his cell phone.

“Yes. The 6:30 p.m. flight will be fine.”

The Reverend approaches and offers to shake Daniel’s hand. Daniel bats it away. “Daniel. Son. Please don’t hate your family. Don’t hurt yourself. Return to Jesus. Don’t end up in hell.”

“Hell?” He nods toward the house. “Tell me the difference, holy man. Tell me that.”

Finished with its chicken, the black dog wanders over to the Reverend, seeking more food. When nothing is forthcoming, it pees on his leg. The Reverend jumps. “What in tarnation?”

Daniel falls back on the hood of his car and laughs for the first time in months. The Reverend gives him one last glare. His family watches as he drives away.

On the flight home, Daniel looks out the window and watches the sun set in a cloudless sky.